Guns and Ammo

I have but 15 minutes to burst forth with the fruits of my ever-learning brain, as I've been doing an application form, and it's now only quarter of an hour until Sir Alan Sugar slumps into his boardroom chair and gazes incredulously at the shower of idiots in front of him, rememberingly forlornly that he actually has to give one of them a six-figure salary, and emitted a weary, frustrated sigh. He will then send them off to do an insultingly menial task - clean dirty pants, hawk fish out the back of a lorry, whatever - in vain hope of at least finding common sense and motor skills amongst the gaggle of apes we call the candidates. They will return having unilaterally failed every task put in front of them. We will cackle with delight.

Sorry. Only got ten minutes now. God, I love the Apprentice. Anyway, speaking of job hunts, I am indeed looking for a way of the housing game, but of course, had pretty much the best day yet at my current work. It's what I think of as haircut syndrome - the moment you book an appointment to get your straggly, sweaty mane sheared off at the barber's, it suddenly looks thoroughly becoming, almost poetic. I never have haircuts - I guess that's why my hair never looks good. Anyway, I'm pondering how I go about moving into a different field, so I've gone for a job that combines what I do now with a bit of journalism. An ideal sidestep, you might think, but is it all a touch too logical? Turning to Fact of the Day for a slice of knowledge, I think I may have got a little fate wafer on the side:

St. Adrian Nicomedia is the patron saint of arms dealers.

OK, so maybe I'm a little too pasty, softly spoken and in possession of a soul to be the next Adnan Khashoggi, but maybe after a couple of years working in care professions, it's time for a change of pace. I reckon I've bought me enough karma to spend, ooh, 30 seconds selling guns to orphans. To be honest, I consider working in a newsagent to be beyond my moral code, but that's what fate is telling me - time to scrap the journalism and buy me some guns 'n' ammo. Hang on though - Adrian Nicomedia? I guess I'll have to combine the two. The NRA's PR department has a vacancy, after all...