Up and down. Yin and Yang. Little and Large. This crazy world is all about opposites; polarised forces working against each other to create harmony from chaos. As Darwin put it - two steps forward, three steps back; we come together 'cos opposites attract. The world feels like a pretty shady place at the minute, and the latest crop of facts aren't going to help matters, so I've taken into my own hands to shine a little light onto each day's findings.
We begin on Saturday, when I learnt that deforestation is costing the Earth more financially than the banking crisis - that's not to mention the not exactly inconsiderable environmental consequences. On the light/shade spectrum, this news is darker than Clapham Common at 2 in the morning. I don't even want to think about it - so I won't. The nation's papers certainly aren't - this story has earnt barely a whisper, whilst the misery of Chris Iwelumo is lighting up back pages everywhere. Admittedly, Chris' tale isn't funny for everyone (namely himself) - a 30-year-old lower league football, given a once-in-a-lifetime chance to represent his country in a crucial game, our Chris came on for Scotland against Norway in the second half, and just minutes later, found himself with an open goal to aim at. This is what happened next. I'd like to thank Chris, who has probably scored the goal 3000 times in his mind since, for making me forget about the forests, if only for a few hilarious seconds. (NB In the video, have a look at the linesman on the far side, who runs off having assumed the ball had gone in. It hadn't. Also, look at the picture above. Just look at the poor guy's face).
Moving on, Sunday brought the revelation that Nelson Mandela, one of the world's greatest living politicians, spent his sentence on Robben Island being forced to wear shoes that were too small for him. Thankfully, this news was packaged in a Peter Kay medley with segues so clunky they eased the pain of the great man's suffering to the extent that I was singing "Free Nelson Mandela-ela-ela, eh, eh" for several hours afterwards.
Before it was ingeniously connected to Rihanna's summertime smash, "Free Nelson Mandela" by the Specials was a protest song against, well, I think you can guess. On a Specials compilation my Dad had, it had been changed to "Nelson Mandela" because he had already been freed, which always seemed a touch pedantic to me. The protest song is part of a fine British tradition of free speech and nonviolent action in the support of a better, fairer world. Thank goodness that such principles hold firm, even in such certain times. Except, well, I think you see where I'm going with this.
The right to demonstrate has been taken for granted in the UK for several years, but is now under serious threat. It's already a bit of an issue demonstrating within a mile of Parliament Square (presumably as this would be a fairly effective place to protest), and now even regular events such as the Critical Mass bike ride in La'hn Tahn are being clamped down upon. Critical Mass has been going for 15 years without any problems, but participants have recently been subject to a much-increased police presence, in an attempt to force them to pre-arrange demonstration routes and times. The key loophole for the rebel riders is that as the event takes place regularly, it cannot technically be called a demonstration. That may well change in the near future, unfortunately, but for now if you've got a bone to pick with The Man, you'd better pick it on a weekly basis. London is a city with its mardy face on at the minute, and restrictions on demonstrations are hardly going to help it recapture its freewheeling, bohemian vibe. One brave citizen is doing her bit, however, spreading a few rays of light amongst the smoggy gloaming. Amy Winehouse has been holding 'Coke Candy' parties at her house, where she gives out cocaine and candyfloss to residents. If there's a more tangible example of light and shade than being given free cocaine and candyfloss, I've yet to hear about it.
And so to today. Following a classic good-and-evil England performance on Saturday, Fabio's boys have flown out to Belarus for a game that will no doubt be described as a 'potential banana skin' by some arse at some point. It either is or isn't a banana skin - the potential is whether England fall upon their arses as a result of its presence. A bit metaphorical for football punditry, but there you go. Belarus has been described as Europe's last dictatorship, a troubled outpost where tyranny reigns supreme. It is also the only nation in Europe to still uphold the death penalty (I bet their left backs are a bit more careful with backpasses than ours). As I've reiterated ad nauseum throughout this post, it is all about light and shade today, so I don't want to give the Belarussian nation a wholly negative write-up. I will therefore include that the manager of the national side has assured the world's press that Minsk, epicentre of the tyrannical executive superstate, is very clean. Hurrah!
We begin on Saturday, when I learnt that deforestation is costing the Earth more financially than the banking crisis - that's not to mention the not exactly inconsiderable environmental consequences. On the light/shade spectrum, this news is darker than Clapham Common at 2 in the morning. I don't even want to think about it - so I won't. The nation's papers certainly aren't - this story has earnt barely a whisper, whilst the misery of Chris Iwelumo is lighting up back pages everywhere. Admittedly, Chris' tale isn't funny for everyone (namely himself) - a 30-year-old lower league football, given a once-in-a-lifetime chance to represent his country in a crucial game, our Chris came on for Scotland against Norway in the second half, and just minutes later, found himself with an open goal to aim at. This is what happened next. I'd like to thank Chris, who has probably scored the goal 3000 times in his mind since, for making me forget about the forests, if only for a few hilarious seconds. (NB In the video, have a look at the linesman on the far side, who runs off having assumed the ball had gone in. It hadn't. Also, look at the picture above. Just look at the poor guy's face).
Moving on, Sunday brought the revelation that Nelson Mandela, one of the world's greatest living politicians, spent his sentence on Robben Island being forced to wear shoes that were too small for him. Thankfully, this news was packaged in a Peter Kay medley with segues so clunky they eased the pain of the great man's suffering to the extent that I was singing "Free Nelson Mandela-ela-ela, eh, eh" for several hours afterwards.
Before it was ingeniously connected to Rihanna's summertime smash, "Free Nelson Mandela" by the Specials was a protest song against, well, I think you can guess. On a Specials compilation my Dad had, it had been changed to "Nelson Mandela" because he had already been freed, which always seemed a touch pedantic to me. The protest song is part of a fine British tradition of free speech and nonviolent action in the support of a better, fairer world. Thank goodness that such principles hold firm, even in such certain times. Except, well, I think you see where I'm going with this.
The right to demonstrate has been taken for granted in the UK for several years, but is now under serious threat. It's already a bit of an issue demonstrating within a mile of Parliament Square (presumably as this would be a fairly effective place to protest), and now even regular events such as the Critical Mass bike ride in La'hn Tahn are being clamped down upon. Critical Mass has been going for 15 years without any problems, but participants have recently been subject to a much-increased police presence, in an attempt to force them to pre-arrange demonstration routes and times. The key loophole for the rebel riders is that as the event takes place regularly, it cannot technically be called a demonstration. That may well change in the near future, unfortunately, but for now if you've got a bone to pick with The Man, you'd better pick it on a weekly basis. London is a city with its mardy face on at the minute, and restrictions on demonstrations are hardly going to help it recapture its freewheeling, bohemian vibe. One brave citizen is doing her bit, however, spreading a few rays of light amongst the smoggy gloaming. Amy Winehouse has been holding 'Coke Candy' parties at her house, where she gives out cocaine and candyfloss to residents. If there's a more tangible example of light and shade than being given free cocaine and candyfloss, I've yet to hear about it.
And so to today. Following a classic good-and-evil England performance on Saturday, Fabio's boys have flown out to Belarus for a game that will no doubt be described as a 'potential banana skin' by some arse at some point. It either is or isn't a banana skin - the potential is whether England fall upon their arses as a result of its presence. A bit metaphorical for football punditry, but there you go. Belarus has been described as Europe's last dictatorship, a troubled outpost where tyranny reigns supreme. It is also the only nation in Europe to still uphold the death penalty (I bet their left backs are a bit more careful with backpasses than ours). As I've reiterated ad nauseum throughout this post, it is all about light and shade today, so I don't want to give the Belarussian nation a wholly negative write-up. I will therefore include that the manager of the national side has assured the world's press that Minsk, epicentre of the tyrannical executive superstate, is very clean. Hurrah!
No comments:
Post a Comment