Uptown Top Ranking

<< Pretty much the only picture of Althea and Donna in existence

I awoke this morning with the taste of Chinese takeaway still on my lips, drool still fresh on my pillow, and for no apparent reason, the lively pop-reggae tones of Althea and Donna's 1978 smash hit 'Uptown Top Ranking' bouncing around my head. This must be fate, I thought. There must be something really interesting about this song that the world needs to know. Well... there isn't. In fact, what's most interesting about this song is the complete lack of information there is about its performers - they were teenagers from Jamaica who pinched the tune from 'I'm Still in Love With You Boy', scored an international hit and then disappeared off the face of the Earth. The Sugababes made a whole career out of a cover version, and it wasn't even their idea.

It's time to make a tenuous leap - Wikipedia claim that 'Uptown Top Ranking' has been covered by Portishead, although I can find no reference to this anywhere else, so I'm pretty dubious, although if they have covered it, I'm guessing it lacks the original's sass. A bit of searching around Portishead sites led me, however, to a list of bands who, like Portishead, are named after places. Some are hardly surprising - Boston, Chicago, Japan etc. but there are some interesting ones, including:

Cypress Hill, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Dimmu Borgir and Children of Bodom are all named after places.

Cypress Hill is, well, a hill in California, The Bosstones are from Boston, Dimmu Borgir is an area of rock formations in Iceland, but Children of Bodom (who are, as you may have guessed, metal to the core) have the creepiest history behind their name. They are named after three teenagers who were murdered (and one who survived) during a camping trip to Lake Bodom in Finland in the 60s. Brr.

There are two vaguely interesting sub-sects to this category: bands named after shops (Everything But The Girl, New York Dolls, Fountains of Wayne, Inspiral Carpets) and bands named after fictional places (Idlewild, Amon Amarth, Opeth) - the majority of the list on Wikipedia comes, perhaps unsurprisingly, from Lord of the Rings. I'd like to point out that Althea and Donna are not named after places, fictional or otherwise - they're named after their names.

While we're on the subject, I once came up with the best band name ever, but I've finally decided to put it to pasture. My days as a wannabe rocker are over, so if you're out there, you can have it. Terry and the Wogans. Pure gold...