Back In A Jiffy?

Today I'm going to talk about speed, swiftness and velocity. Being quick, in other words. It's not something I particular enjoy, much preferring the 'slow and steady' philosophy - it's been known for me take half an hour to make a cup of tea, and only because my unfortunate girlfriend intervenes, bringing me back to reality upon finding me staring at the ceiling with a piping hot teabag balanced on the end of my spoon. When I say I'll be back in a jiffy, I mean I'll be back in approximately three times as much time as is feasible. But how am I to know any different - how long is a jiffy anyway? Well, apparently...

A jiffy is generally recognised as lasting 0.01 seconds.

Unless you're Speedy Gonzales, or under the effect of time-bending substances (told you we'd talk about speed - arf), returning in precisely a jiffy is impossible. In reality, the definition of a jiffy is a technicality, and comes from computer terminology far too tedious to go into here (it's got something to do with servers - and if my broadband server does anything in 0.01 seconds, I will literally eat my hat). The term 'jiffy' also features in electronics, and is the time between alternating power cycles - which is roughly 0.02 seconds.

Of course, all these definitions are references to the original term 'back in a jiffy' - so where does that come from? The internet is pretty sketchy on this - although Wikipedia claim that it comes from thieves' cant (a medieval dialect) and means 'lightning'. The fact that Wikipedia mentions it and nowhere else does is clanging the alarm bells of inaccuracy, but I don't care because thieves' cant is way cool. A language used by, er, thieves, beggars and others at the foot of the feudal system, some choice phrases include 'sham abram' (to feign illness), 'smuggling Ken' (a brothel, for some reason) and 'glimflashy' (a bit miffed).

Thieves' cant also used a number of modern terms, although not quite in the same context as today - to 'cry beef' meant to raise the alarm and a 'blood' was a troublemaker. I've saved my two personal favourites for last though. A gentleman who appeared well dressed but is in fact an unsavoury character underneath is known as a 'Beau-nasty', which is inspired. Finally to the place nobody returns from in a jiffy - a coffin, or as thieves' cant would have it... an eternity box.