Harry Hill

I got today’s piece of factual detritus at 12.15am this morning, whilst perusing the Clapham, Balham & Tooting Guardian (it’s basically the local free paper):

The comedian Harry Hill lives in Battersea.

Now I’m aware that this is really not that surprising, but I always find it amazing when I discover that a celebrity lives in reasonable proximity to myself. In this instance, the celebrity in question is someone I have a lot of time for, and they live in my London borough. It feels ridiculously uplifting, like my choice to live in the cheap, grimy end of the borough has somehow been justified by a famous and talented person’s presence in the leafy, desirable enclave at the furthest point possible within the same borough. I’ve only been in London for 3 months, so I can only assume I will slowly become attuned to the presence of the rich and famous around me, along with vastly inflated prices and unspeakable rudeness.(I still say thank you when someone makes room for me on the Tube. What a bumpkin). When, after 2 weeks in the big smoke, I saw John Torode off Masterchef Goes Large stumbling past Balham tube, possibly after a particularly hefty ‘plate of food’, it rocked my world.

I think it stems from coming from a small town which was a celebrity-free zone, with the exception of David Gower, who was alleged to live in the area and became something of a legend. We’d see a flash of silver hair through the window of a passing car. Was it Gower? Could it really be him? We never found out for sure. Sometimes we’d see the guy who played Inspector Wexford at the market. It was like Elvis had strutted in, resplendent in white jumpsuit, to pick up some satsumas. I still don’t feel like I’ve adjusted, and reading that article made me realise that I still hold celebrities in higher esteem than everybody else, which sort of surprised me. So I guess that’s what I’ve really learnt. But the original information serves a further purpose; Harry Hill used to do McDonalds ad, and much as I admire the rest of his work, he needs to pay, and if he’s reading, I WILL FIND YOU HILL, even if I have to knock on every door in Battersea. And then I’ll send you a polite complaint.