I dimly recall on the drive up to Alton Towers, somewhere amidst the haze of sleep deprivation and fear, that the radio was discussing a woman who wanted her pet monkey to be given human rights. This has opened up a whole can of legal whoopass, as a debate has begun raging over whether animals could ever be offered the same rights as humans. Having pored over the legal minutae and undertaken in-depth interviews from all sides of this tumultuous debate, I have concluded that a monkey should not human rights. My reason? It's not a human - it's a monkey.
The woman concerned felt that her pet primate was her closest living companion, and behaved like a human, so should enjoy the rights that its current status deserves. All of this should make a good case, but all it does it make it all the more certain that she's sleeping with the monkey - all of which pours a murky brew of consensual intercourse legislation into the already black waters of this debate. I shook off the volley of unsightly images that my brain had been put through at the next services, and thought no more about it, until I learnt the following today:
Caligula made his horse a senator.
Caligula also claimed that his faithful steed was an incarnation of all the Roman Gods. In short, he really liked his horse. Caligula's reputation is murkier than a tankard of legislation on cohabiting with animals, but incest, orgies and executions are all present and correct. Caligula's horse has come to be slang for someone who is not deserving of their position i.e. 'How does Vernon Kay get so much work? He's the Caligula's horse of ITV'. Coincidentally, Vernon Kay does look a lot like a horse.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monkey Business
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