This Saturday at Knowledge Towers there will be a gathering to savour the single greatest international competition in the world - the Eurovision Song Contest. As the nation gears up for the big event, spurious articles such as this have started springing up, undermining the great contest's credibility. This article annoys me for deux reasons (sorry, just getting into Eurovision mode) - firstly, it suggests there may be tactical voting going on. May? When a country gives points based entirely on proximity to their own borders, that's a pretty sure sign, and believe me, that happens. Secondly, it seems to suggest that this is somehow unfair. At first glance, that would appear to be true - but it claims that Serbia won last year as a result of block voting from their neighbours. They didn't - they won because they had the best song.
All this crowing about the contest being purely political doesn't really stack up, because for the last couple of years, and for as long as I can remember actually, the best song wins. The UK hasn't won for a decade, not because we're being ousted by malicious tactical voting, but because we pick awful songs, including last year's miserable 'ironic' Scooch effort, complete with wholly inappropriate double entendres that had me reaching for the Radio Times in embarrassment. The last time we had the best song was when we hauled Katrina and the Waves in - and we won. The neighbourly voting may ensure that even if Estonia sling a turd onto the stage they're still going to get 40-odd points, but in terms of winning, it doesn't prevent the best song from winning. Even if, say, a Balkan country votes for all its neighbours, it will still rank the points according to song quality - this is the law of Eurovision. Apart from Greece and Cyprus - they're just brazen. Here's the fact:
The UK have finished second in the Eurovision Song Contest on 15 occasions.
Whether it's General Franco or Celine Dion, we're pass masters at getting pipped to the post. Let's hope amiable dustman Andy Abrahams can get a second runner-up medal following his X-Factor disappointment, although with that slice of 90s soul-lite, I won't be putting any money on it. Going back to my rant on tactical voting, I think that ultimately it really doesn't matter that it goes on. It's only Eurovision, for God's sake. It's purely sour grapes on our part, and I personally wish we didn't even bother entering, except then the blinkered powers-that-be would take it off the air, missing entirely the reason why we watch Eurovision. Looking at it another way, I think tactical voting may actually be a good thing - the Balkan countries, not so long ago massacring one another and still politically suspicious of one another, lay down their arms for one night and hand out points in an orgy of diplomatic goodwill. If Eurovision was extended around the world, Iran and America would probably hand out points to each other. Maybe not. But I can dream...
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