Not much happening today so I, like many, am going to milk the very public humiliation of Heather Mills a little bit further. About the only good thing she got out of the whole disastrous business was 24 million sheets, currently being bundled into binbags by Macca himself. Trouble is, he offered her closer to £50 million as an out-of-court settlement, but she went to court in search of a pile of binbags worth double that. Unlucky.
It had been touted as perhaps the biggest divorce settlement in history, what with Macca's £800 million fortune, but in celebrity terms it's been dwarfed by several other settlements. The equal 'winners' on this list are Michael Jordan and Neil Diamond (possibly the first time they've ever been mentioned in the same sentence) who each had to cough up £75.5 million to their respective ex-spouses. But what of those less famous, but a lot richer? Well, here the waters get murky: when properly rich people break up, there's a lot less media interest, and a lot less clear-cut, as said divorcees often have their fingers in several ethically dubious monetary pies. There is, however, even in such confused, litigious circumstances, only one winner:
Roman Abramovich's divorce settlement with his ex-wife Irena is the largest in history.
Despite it being shrouded in mystery, Mr Chelsea is a comfortable winner due to his frankly obscene fortune - even conservative estimates (from dubious sources, admittedly) put the figure at £2.5bn. Until the man who made his billions from buying up Russian oilfields at rock-bottom prices while the rest of his country queued for bread took his crown, an equally morally corrupt figure held the record for over twenty years. Adnan Khashoggi, a Saudi arms dealer, paid his ex-wife Soraya somewhere in the region of £548.4m following their 1980 divorce. Now, the fact that he sells guns for a living might give you a hint about this guy's character, but read on, for the plot thickens...
Adnan Khashoggi's nephew is Dodi Al-Fayed. His daughter's real father is Jonathan Aitken. He has been linked to the 9/11 attacks (probably just for being Arabic, but there you go), the Iran-Contra scandal, and pretty much every single shady happening of the last 40 years. He's even been accused of rigging the 2000 U.S. election - the ballot supervisor in Florida used to work on his private plane. When he wasn't secretly ruling the entire human race, he was allegedly paying escorts £10,000 a night for some high-end rumpo. One of said escorts - Lady Heather Mills-McCartney. Don't worry, it all went to charity.
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